


A Pacific Northwest Road Trip Rescue

by QuantumDippinDots



Series: PNWS Shorts [1]
Category: Tanis (Podcast), The Black Tapes Podcast
Genre: Comedy, Dr. Strand is not, Dumb dumb this is very dumb, Gen, Kingdom of the Universe, Nic and Alex are very silly, Purple Prose, Road Trips, Singing, Swears - should this increase the rating?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-10-29 15:41:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10857018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuantumDippinDots/pseuds/QuantumDippinDots
Summary: People on Discord were talking about Alex, Nic, and Strand taking a road trip and Alex and Nic annoying Strand by singing the PNWS theme songs so this is just expanding on that.





	A Pacific Northwest Road Trip Rescue

“Oh my god, Nic, are you OK?” As soon as the Saab station wagon jerked to a halt, Alex flung herself out and ran over to her friend, leaning against a sign that proclaimed the parking lot a Scenic Outlook. “I can’t believe you went into the forest, alone, again.” Her pulse eased and her anxiety wound away when she reached him – Nic was not injured, or terrified. His looked more like a dog who had shit on the rug and knew that it’s owner was coming with a rolled up newspaper.

“It was just a little ways. I didn’t even get anything weird on tape.”  
“You said you wouldn’t go alone again.” Alex frowned. Nic looked above her head, to the left. He noticed Strand approaching.

“Look, I just didn’t read the sign.” He waved over his shoulder, where his car was alone in the parking lot. The sign announced that there was to be no parking for the duration of the week.

“What? So?” Alex watched Strand stride over to Nic’s car. “It’s not like anyone’s going to be up here.”

“Nope, they booted him. Good one, Nic.” Strand squatted down by the back tire. “The Wakoma Towing Company, that is.”

“Why did you bring him?” Nic hissed at Alex. “I was already embarrassed enough.”

“Well, last night… I didn’t really sleep. Not enough, at least. One of those days.” They watched Strand strolling back towards them in silence.

“No, I understand. Well, I guess it’s time for a PNWS road trip then!” Alex giggled.

“Oh my god, remember the last time we went on a road trip together? As great as Dr. Strand is, he’s totally going to be a buzzkill. I just can’t see him playing spitballs in Denny’s at 4 AM.”

“I’m not even going to ask. Let’s get going, the forecast says it’s supposed to rain. You know, Nic, it’s probably a good idea to check the weather before hiking. You don’t seem prepared for a storm. You should pick up some weather appropriate clothing at REI or something, in the future.” Strand got into the driver’s seat, unaware of the exasperated looks Nic and Alex were giving each other.

 

“Can you put your seat forward?” Nic requested.

“It’s tight. I need space for my knees.” Nic sighed dramatically and scooted into the center seat. Alex leaned into the door so that he could dig out the seatbelt.

“Wow, looks like we’re going to get real friendly up in here,” she said.

“Look, I’m sorry, but I need a certain amount of legroom to drive properly. Why are you both in the back seat, anyways?”

“It’s fine, Nic and I go way back. We need to sit next to each other, this is a road trip! Nic and I do the best road trips. Now, I declare that the back seat is the Fun Zone. Get going, Mr. Big & Tall.” Nic and Alex both began to laugh. Strand realized that the hours ahead of them would be long hours indeed.

 

The first two hours went quickly. The patter of the rain and the Romantic piano music that the local classical station was featuring made the car cozy, a bubble away from the storm and their everyday troubles. The things that kept Alex and Nic up at night felt more distant than usual, as if they were locked outside the car, and soon the pair fell asleep. Strand focused on the road. The rain and the music soothed him as well, and he thought about his work, the easy parts, the normal parts. He overtook some cars, and some overtook him, but not often. The rest of the time it was just the rain and the forest on either side and the bare highway. Sometime he glanced at Nic and Alex in the mirror. Alex’s head was on Nic’s shoulder, and Nic’s head was on hers – they looked like a pair of overgrown children all worn out after their youth soccer game, or whatever it was kids were supposed to do these days. It was different, having people in the car. Even when he was looking at the road, he felt their presence.

 

The silence didn’t last. After the rain let up, Alex and Nic began to stir.

“Wow… I think I fell asleep for a few minutes...”

“Me too…”

“You guys were out for a little over two hours.” Alex began to extricate her hair from her earring. Nic checked his phone.

“Shit, I was supposed to call Amalia. Whatever, she’ll understand.”

“You guys still… _Hanging out_?” Alex raised her eyebrows.

“We’re pretty good friends, if you know what I mean. The weird thing is though, I was talking to MK on Skype last night, and afterwards Amalia kept saying how pretty she is. I mean, true, but I, like, don’t know what it means. What does it mean?” Alex broke into giggles. Strand felt a prickle of irritation. He supposed that normal irritation over normal silliness was alright with him. There were worse things to put up with.

“Jesus,” he said, just to make sure that his passengers knew they were irritating.

“I just don’t know, you know how Amalia is – hey, I thought you were an atheist,” Nic turned towards Strand.

“As the dominant mythos, Christianity has permeated our cultural imagery and language.” Strand’s response was practically automatic at this point.

“So, does that mean that atheists are allowed to shout ‘oh my god,’ during sex? Or do you have to say ‘oh my science’ or something?” Alex and Nic fell into fits of giggles again.

 

“We want different music. C’mon, play something fun.”

“No.”

“C’mon.”

“No.”

“Boring.”

“That’s your opinion.”

“Oh my god. You’re such a dork.”

“We have to have road trip music.”

“Oh my god, this is-”

“Oh my lord, are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“OH MY LORD HERE’S A JUST REWARD,” Nic and Alex broke into the Black Tapes theme song together. Strand gritted his teeth. He wished that they hadn’t woken up. The sleeping state brought together the best features of solitude and company.

“BRING ME MY DEVIL, JUST BEHIND THE DOOR SHE SAID” Strand glanced into the mirror. Alex and Nic were facing each other, singing into air microphones.

“AND FLIES DOWN THE ROAD LIKE THUNDER”

“Please stop. Just stop.” Strand didn’t think they’d heard his protest.

“HOME AT LAST, BUT YOU'RE FADING FAST”

“I’ll change the music, just be quiet!”

“A FRIENDLY FACE. AN ICY GLASS” Richard Strand pursed his lips and stared at the road.

“THE LAST SONG SUNG, THAT FREEDOM IS ATONED,”

He turned up the radio. The Debussy wasn’t enough to drown out his passengers.

“AND WE’LL GO FLYING THROUGH THE KINGDOM OF THE UNIVERSE”

They had grown even louder – they were shouting into each other’s faces now.

“BUT IF YOU GET THERE FIRST”

“Please”

“FLY AWAY”

“Stop”

“FLY AWAY”

“Please.”

“THERE’S A GIRL SO TALL THAT HER HEART WON’T SHOW” Strand remembered other car trips; singing along to other songs.

“AND AT THIS LOSS HER RECORDS SNOW" Coralee in the seat next to him, or driving; Charlie in the back, small and perched in her car seat, a little older and pressing her forehead against the window, a teenager who insisted on resting her feet on the storage unit between the driver and passenger seats until he tickled her toes and made her withdraw in fits of laughter.

“FALL DISAPPEARS” Strand chewed on his lip and stared at the road.

“SHE’S NEVER COMING BACK” He remembered Coralee at the wheel, eyes fixed on an empty highway. It was dark, but there was a full moon that made her hair glisten and her skin glow bright and white, as if she was carved from marble. Charlie was asleep in the back seat. “We’re nearly home,” he had said to her. “I’m always home, with you,” she had said, and they both laughed under their breath because it was the kind of cliché that Coralee hated. She’d mock those sorts of things, but she had said it anyways, because it was true. He slid his hand under her hair and rubbed her neck. He could remember the feeling of the small, stiff, muscles, and the sinews, and how he worked away a little of the tension she held there. Coralee kept staring at the road, driving. She’s never coming back was right.

“AND I LAUGH” Strand wished that there was some traffic, real bumper to bumper stuff that he would have to focus on with every ounce of attention.

“AND WE’LL GO FLYING THROUGH THE KINGDOM OF THE UNIVERSE”

“Shut up.”

“BUT IF YOU GET THERE FIRST” Strand thought of the three of them singing You Are My Sunshine together. Even when Charlie was older and had learned that it was terribly uncool. Things like that only happened when they were alone together.

“FLY AWAY! FLY AWAY” Even Coralee’s parents had thought they were serious, somber, a strange family. They never understood her.

“AND WE’LL GO FLYING THROUGH THE KINGDOM OF THE UNIVERSE” They’d sing You Are My Sunshine, This Land Is Your Land, The Frozen Logger, Goodnight Irene, all of the other ones that were easy for anyone to sing.

“BUT IF YOU GET THERE FIRST” Sometimes Coralee would read off poetry. “Culture,” she would say, “Charlie needs to have some culture, you know.” Charlie would giggle and they would both listen to Coralee, because when Coralee recited poetry she brought it to life.

“FLY AWAY” They would tell stories, too, him in particular, as he often had a new one from his work.

“FLY AWAY” Or Charlie would tell a child’s story, about school, or what she found in the woods, or what her friend did on vacation, and he and Coralee would glance at each other and smile because they loved the story: it was Charlie’s, and she was theirs.

“FLY AWAY”

“Jesus Christ, would you shut up!”

“FLY AWAY” When he and Coralee talked about textual analysis, or science, or recently discovered archaeological sites, Charlie would turn to one of her books. She read all sorts of things over the years. The Boxcar Children, The Magic Schoolbus, Half Magic, A Children’s Anthology of Mythology, Earthsea, Foundation, Pride and Prejudice, The Lord of the Rings; it changed over the years.

“FLY AWAY” He wanted out of this car.

“FLY AWAY”

“Are you fucking done?” Strand tried to keep some of the venom out of his voice.

“Yes. Are you done grumping around?” Alex replied.

“Want to sing the Rocket on the Highway?” Nic asked. “We’ve got to cover Tanis too. C’mon.”

“I want-”

“Sure!”

“To exercise a veto on this action-”

“DRIVING HOME THROUGH THE DARKNESS”

“This is my car you know!”

“IS SHE REALLY - THE ONE!”

 

By the time the sun began to set, Strand’s head was throbbing. He supposed he ought not to have kept his jaw clenched so long. Alex and Nic were squabbling over personal space in the back – there were lots of “no, _you_ ’re touching _me_ ”s and “stop leaning into _my_ side”s. He didn’t really want to be in the car with them anymore. Something about the rain had made everything different, but now he was glad for the steadily thickening Seattle area traffic.

“Dr. Strand, do you want to play a game with us?” Nic asked from the back. “We’re playing I-Spy.”

“Traffic.” Strand grunted.

“Fine. See, the front seat is the No Fun Zone.” Alex said. The Fun Zone was still providing its occupants with a much needed break from the stresses of the daily grind. They’d already spent a good deal of time reliving their previous road trip adventures, picking over the mysterious social cues of Amalia Chenkova, analyzing MK’s sarcasm, and discussing the merits of indie bands that Strand had never heard of.

“I spy with my little eye, something gray,” Nic began.

“The… Seat?”

“No.”

“The dash?”

“No.” Dr. Strand sighed.

“The carpet?”

“No. Alex, stay on your side!”

“Stop poking me!”

“You guys behave like children. No wonder you spend so much time going on about… Magical nonsense.” This time Alex sighed. Nic saw her shoulders sag. It had caught her off guard. Alex told herself it was just Dr. Smug being his Smug self. Other people’s feelings were many levels down on his list of priorities.

“No need to belittle us, Doctor.”

“I’m just saying.” Strand tried to estimate how much longer they would be stuck in the car. The traffic was a welcomed distraction, but it also kept him trapped here longer.

“Keep guessing.” Nic said, trying to lighten the mood again.

“The console?”

“No.”

“The door?”

“No.”

“I give up.”

“The cup holder!”

“Every thing's gray here!”

“You go, then.”

“I spy with my little eye, something white and grumpy.”

“Duh, it’s Dr. Strand!” Nic and Alex fell into fits of giggling again. Strand chewed on his lip.

 

Strand pulled into the PNWS parking lot a little faster than usual.

“Oh my god, we need to do a road trip again!” Alex cried as she got out.

“Thanks, Dr. Strand,” Nic said as he scooted out after her.

“Yeah, thanks for saving Nic from getting stuck in the fucking forest all night.” Alex and Nic waited for Strand to say something.

“Bye. Please shut the door.” Alex shrugged at Nic; as soon as she slammed the door, Strand sped off. She watched the station wagon bounce over a speed bump as it sailed out of the parking lot and disappeared around a corner.

“He can be a challenge,” Alex said.

“You do a good job. Seriously, The Black Tapes is coming out well, and you put up with a lot from him. Not every journalist could make it work.” Alex laughed.

“I’m sure he’d say that he puts up with a lot from me.”

“Well, our sing-a-long certainly pissed him off.”


End file.
